Famine #60: Protective

Hi-dee-ho, readers and writers. Welcome back for another Weekend Writing Warriors and Snippet Sunday installment from Famine. Editing is close to completion. (I’d be done if life didn’t keep getting in the way. Sheesh! What a summer.)

Let’s get into it, shall we? Bartholomew has overheard a coupla hooligan boys making inappropriate remarks about Matilde to Thomas Green (a young stablehand). Needless to say, our hero is displeased, and Thomas has some ‘splainin’ to do.

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ByteStudio Photography; Jacob Cartwright

ByteStudio Photography; Jacob Cartwright

Thomas scuffed his boot in the trampled dirt, making a rut. “Is there anything I can assist you with, sir?”

“Oui. You can tell me the names of the young gentlemen with whom you were conversing about my ward.”

“I—ah—Monsieur?”

“Their names, Thomas. I make it my business to know the background and intentions of anyone who demonstrates an interest in Matilde.”

Thomas looked over his shoulder then back at Bartholomew and said, “You overheard us?”

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Ruh-roh, Scooby Doo. I think Thomas may pee his pants. Poor kid.

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A special note of thanks to all of you who have been visiting and commenting over the past few weeks. I’ve been doing a crap job of reciprocating lately. (See note about life above.) Today’s not looking much better. This is birthday party weekend for Mini Me. But I just wanted to say, “Thanks! You guys float my boat.”

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Please check out all the other Weekend Writing Warrior and Snippet Sunday posts. Writers eat feedback for breakfast.

  • Looks like Thomas is in trouble.

  • It helps to be a good eavesdropper!
    My mother was accomplished with the art and I learned from the best.
    Nice 8!

  • sharonbuchbinder

    Man, I would not want to piss Bartholomew off! Nice 8!

  • Excellent. So smooth, so natural. Your prose just flows, Monica! In a few words, you set the atmosphere–Batholomew is not to be toyed with. 🙂

  • daezarkian

    Dun, dun, DUUUUUUUN! Nice stuff, Monica, well paced and involving as ever!

  • I love the power and control you conveyed in Bartholomew’s words and actions. A very enjoyable 8.

  • ldsmith1818

    oh man they are in serious trouble! I would not want to mess with this guy! Great job!

  • Yikes! Thomas has stepped into it, huh? Nice eight.

  • I smell trouble. Great snippet.

  • You get the tension across nicely, with movements. and how you do the dialog. I can just picture this playing out. 🙂

  • I think Thomas has good reason to be nervous.

  • Uh oh! Somebody’s in trouble! Great dialogue exchange between them.

  • With a “Oui” and “Monsieur” you set the tone of time and place. Well done.

  • Young Tom’s friends are about to have the fear of Bartholomew instilled in them . . . Excellent!

  • I think I’d be careful about making Batholomew mad.

  • Don’t mess with Bartholemew’s ward.

  • Oh yes, I wouldn’t cross Bartholomew either. Excellent excerpt!

  • That’s a very nice illustration (the photo) … your description of him meets the picture exactly! I enjoyed your snippet and looking forward to the next! 🙂

  • burnsmillie

    I think I heard an audible gulp…at the end of the snippet. Poor Thomas.

  • I think Thomas should answer him… willingly.

  • I absolutely adore reading your weekly posts, gives me something to look forward toward. Bartholomew has an awesome attitude here haha, I would be running if I was Thomas! Thank you Monica and I hope all calms down in a bit. Best of wishes to Mini you! 😉

  • adriennedewolfe

    You handled the suggestion of the broken French accent so well! Could hear it in my head. (Loved your Scooby Doo humor, too.)

    Hugs,
    Adrienne
    http://WritingNovelsThatSell.com

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