First Comes Famine #37: I’ve Found You (WeWriWa)

Hello Friends, old and new, and welcome back to another Weekend Writing Warrior installment. Thanks, all, for visiting and leaving thoughtful and enthusiastic comments last week. You guys made me smile. 😀

As promised, I’m returning to my paranormal WIP, First Comes Famine, and Bartholomew. Last week we saw him cutting, and then comforting, eight-year-old Matilde as she slept with her little brother. The explanation of why he does this follows today’s eight.

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The girl settled back into sleep with a small sigh.

The sweet scent of her blood spurred him on, and Bartholomew brushed his lips across the cut—the lightest kiss—then slid the bandage into place and pressed the wound until the bleeding ceased. As he held her hand, he licked his lips. A shudder spread through him. His nerves flared, burning bright with the strength of the child’s soul. The immeasurable power of the Catcher, so long dormant within his own blood, stretched, surged, and demanded to be free.

“I’ve found you.” Bartholomew’s whispered words were as much a cry of horror as a sigh of relief.

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What’s going on? Bartholomew has spent eleven centuries hunting for a body to hold the immortal soul of the Catcher. He’s just confirmed that Matilde is the intended vessel. (The Catcher’s job is to capture the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse before they can bring about the untimely end of the world.)

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I hope you’ll take the time to check out the other writers who are posting today via the Weekend Writing Warriors linky. Check them out here.

  • The last sentence is really intense. Great job!

  • Such a turn of emotions for him and us, very intriguing. Powerful.

  • These sentences filled me with both horror and relief. Your intro says – let me paraphrase here – cutting an eight year old. Beside her brother. That he then comforts her seemed irrelevant to me. Just sayin’. I can’t even begin to articulate what went through my mind but I will say that at the end I was ready to scream “DON’T EAT HER!” *nods*. Yeah, one of us had too much coffee this morning.

    Great six Monica 🙂

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      ROFL! As I told Charmaine, breathe. Just breathe. Everything will be alright…. Eventually.

  • Definitely hooked! Fascinating story.

  • Agree with Jess. You saved the best for last.
    Great writing!

  • Uh oh, poor Matilde. This is an intriguing concept, glad you shared the detail with us! Tense, disturbing excerpt – well done.

  • You’ve managed to pain a very vivid description and these few sentences are very intense. This situation does not seem to bode well for Matilde at all.

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      I can’t say that things will be easy, but Bartholomew is not her enemy, though she won’t always believe that.

  • Scary, Monica. I’m speechless with the thought of horror coming.

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Breathe, Charmaine, it’ll be okay. I promise.

  • This excerpt not only makes me want more, it prompts me to move on over and check out all the preceding excerpts. So–resounding success! What really works here is the disturbing detail (blood from the cut, and licking same) and the dissonant reaction (relief).

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Thank you, EP! Crafting this story feels a bit like I’m walking on glass; terrifying yet exhilarating.

  • There’s something so uncomfortably wrong for an old man to be feeling those things after kissing an eight year old child. Well done in making my skin crawl. 🙂

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Oh, I know. It’s a helluva fine line, but I assure you not one Bartholomew would *ever* cross! Still, I’m kinda proud that I could give you the heebie-jeebies. ;D

  • Oh wow, that’s a terrific plot development. Can’t wait to see how this develops.

  • An excellent job. You showed so much in those 8 sentences

  • Wow, that’s chilling and fascinating. I’m a little bit nervous for all three of these characters….!

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      😀 Good! (I know, I’m a stinker.)

  • Wow! That’s a lot to put on a child, but a fabulous twist! Does this mean he can get rid of Claire?

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      LOL! Unfortunately, not yet. Bartholomew’s got morals and this is just the first chapter. 😀

  • Wow, I’m glad I read Keeley’s comment! It made me laugh, taking off the tension that your snippet created. Excellent, Monica!

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Am I making you tense, Teresa? Really? Me? 😉

  • siobhanmuir

    Wow, way cool snippet, Monica, and I LOVED the explanation at the end. What a great premise. Nicely done. 🙂

  • Pingback: First Comes Famine 38: Time | Stalking Fiction: Monica Enderle Pierce()

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