First Comes Famine 38: Time

Hello, again, weekend writers and readers. It’s Sunday and that means it’s time for another Weekend Writing Warriors post from my WIP, First Comes Famine.

Last week Bartholomew learned that, after an 1100-year search, the Catcher had led him to a new body to hold her soul. Unfortunately, it’s eight-year-old Matilde. Now he faces a life or death decision for this girl.

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SleepingHe had found the Catcher’s next body. But knowing what that meant for this innocent child made him feel monstrous.

He heard tapping and looked up to see a crow clinging to the windowsill in the moonlight. The bird cocked its head as if considering Matilde, and then looked back at Bartholomew and tapped the glass with its sharp, black beak.

Bartholomew stood. He wiped the blade with his handkerchief, returned it to its sheath, and slid that into his coat. He lifted his pocket watch and turned it between his fingers, feeling the movement as time slipped. Then he gazed down upon the girl.

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Thanks for stopping by. More WeWriWa participants can be found here. I hope you’ll take a few minutes to check out their posts this week, too.

  • Love this story. Thoroughly enjoying seeing more of it.

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Thanks, darlin’!

  • I’m going to be first this week 🙂 The aside with the crow is creepy. Any of those black birds just add a sense of menace to a scene. Not sure what he’s going to do next, but you’ve definitely built the tension.

    • d’oh! missed by 1 minute.

      • Monica Enderle Pierce

        So, so close! And there’s nothing shameful in 2nd place. (4th, however, is ghastly.)

  • gzidar is right, the crow adds another layer of creepy to this snippet. I also think this is a very rich, well drawn snippet. There’s something about the Catcher that reminds me of the Oracle in Greek mythology. Great and sinister snippet.

  • You’ve done it again, Monica. I wanted to scream, “Stop the music, Find another body.” ‘Nuff said!

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      ROFL!

  • Tension galore here and the crow just ramps things up even more – so very well done and creepy inagoodway! Terrific snippet…NO idea where this story is going, which just makes me HAVE to keep reading.

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      And that makes me gleeful! Thanks, Veronica.

  • daezarkian

    Terrific, Monica. I’m always enraptured by your ability to build tension and paint a vivid picture. Well done, as always!

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Thank you, Steven! (FYI, I’m toying with the idea of calling you the Master of Disaster. Whaddya think?)

  • The crow is so symbolic! Am worried for the girl. Great excerpt.

  • Hmm. I think I will stand by last weeks comment in which I wanted to scream DONT KILL HER! But now my silent shrieks are directed to the crow — that nasty ominous crow with his tap tapping on the window like the freaky little crow that he is…

    Ahh… I hate crows and their crowish nature…

    Great snippet, Monica 🙂

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      ROFL! Freaky little Keeley, you’re killing me! I can’t stop laughing! (But, oh, I like crows; always have.)

      • Somehow it doesn’t surprise me to learn that you like crows… I read A Sad Jar of Atoms on wattpad (which I absolutely loved, by the way…)., and frankly, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that you are a fan of all things deranged — up to and including (but not limited to) lynch mobs, puppies and children….

        Monica, you make my day. Lol.

        • Monica Enderle Pierce

          Some of my best friends are … puppies. And, yes, I enjoy writing about lynch mobs and, specifically, making sure every member of them gets the nastiest comeuppance I can come up with. ;D

          • See, and that’s what I like about you 😉

  • What will he do? Intense and chilling. The child’s fate rests in his hands.

    • Monica Enderle Pierce

      Indeed, it does, Karen. Thanks for stopping by!

  • Great tension building. I wonder what he’ll do?

  • Nan

    Wow! That’s quite a scene–your tension-building is amazing. Would love to see more!

  • Ah, you’re still calling me Sweet Cheeks. 😉

    Well I don’t think he’s going to kill the girl. Not sure why, but I don’t think he’ll do it. Maybe the crow isn’t a harbinger of death and doom. Crows really get a bad rap, and it’s not their fault. Now if a vulture had been at the window I’d be really worried.

  • Beautifully written, descriptive scene as usual! I just adore your voice.

  • siobhanmuir

    How frighteningly sinister and yet so calm. Nicely done, Monica. 😀

  • Oh, that’s creeptastic. You’ve got my on the edge of my seat. I can tell this is going to be a page turner.

  • Beautifully described moment of hesitation. The crow made the scene very eerie. I want to know what Bartholomew is going to decide to do.

  • No excuse for displacing a soul. As to crows, there’s a PBS special on them coming up–seems they can recognize faces.

  • Wow, really interesting concept you have going out and the creep factor is at a ten for me. This gave me chills. But in a good way.

  • Such a terrible decision to have to make! And such vivid writing! Well done!

  • Chilling excerpt. I’m betting he’ll save the child.

  • This is so super-creepy, but I totally want to know more, what’s he going to do? Got me hooked, great 8.

  • This is just plain awesome! The tension and the creepiness factor are perfectly done. 🙂 Nobody can do it like you, Monica 🙂

  • So much tension here and interesting the different interpretation of the crow. I once came back from Europe to find my fountain stuffed with dead crows, and the trees above filled with screaming crows. I’ve since put a screen over the fountain, but ever since it is easy for me to associate crows with death. Also, the wiping of the blade and putting it back in a sheath is intriguing. Is the watch a symbol of moving on?

  • Crows evoke as much fear as clowns.
    Now, Monica ranks right up there with King and Poe.

  • historysleuth1

    Oh, wow. Don’t kill her! Clever idea to toss in the twist of the entity inhabiting a child instead of an adult. Quite a curve ball for Bart to deal with. Interesting premise I like it!

  • Amazing, sharp writing. And a little creepy. ;c)

  • Pingback: Famine #39: A Long Wait (WeWriWa) | Stalking Fiction: Monica Enderle Pierce()

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